I am feeling the first, hard-to-ignore signs of perimenopause knocking on my door. A few have already let themselves in and settled on the couch. The most prominent symptoms for me at this time are brain fog/lack of memory and a shorter energy battery each day. I have less useful hours every day before I become a bump on a log, and there is no point asking me to remember a damn thing. Any plan or appointment that is not written down doesn’t exist.
Is my patience for bullshit also gone? Yes. Really gone. Am I ragey sometimes? Mmmmm, yup. Am I trying really hard not to take that out on the people around me? Yes I am. They may not be able to tell, but I really am.
This new wonderland of foggy fatigue has me pondering the various stages of life and how I need to manage my expectations for myself in ways I never saw coming. Former versions of me were hyper-organized, mentally sharp, and quite patient. Former versions of me could juggle a bunch of balls at once and not drop a thing.
But current me can’t remember if we went to visit Grampa on Friday or Saturday.
I always assumed my capabilities would increase for most of my life, as experience and gained wisdom made me better at what I do. I didn’t foresee the various dips and valleys that would happen along the way. I really had no idea that perimenopause would make it hard to do what I have always done; I just thought it would make me sweaty and angry.
I am not comfortable with being less capable than I am used to, and I need to sit with this reality and find a way to adjust my expectations for what the next decade or so might look like. I’m not a workaholic, but I am used to being able to commit to work and projects and family obligations and know I would see it all through. Now I don’t know where to draw the line, and I need to learn.
This is not the lifelong learning I was hoping for.
xo
Shannon
Introducing: The Make Like a Mother Podcast!
I am so freaking excited to finally tell you about this project I’ve been nursing since the fall. With the help of my very talented friend Laura Kimball, I have started a podcast! Every guest is an artist who is also a mother, and there are eight episodes launching May 10 (Mother’s Day). On May 9th there will also be a live taping of the final episode - stay tuned for tickets going on sale as soon as I’ve got the time to sit down and make it happen!
Speaking of podcasts, Maureen Pollard recently interviewed me for the Heart Work podcast, which you can listen to here. I hope you enjoy the conversation as much as I did!