For the past month I have been focused on preparing an Ontario Arts Council grant application. Grant writing is labour intensive and requires you to collect all kinds of supporting documents, quotes for service, guarantees of involvement, and reference letters. For this application I even had to record one of my songs, a brand new - read: slow - skill for me, as they will be evaluating my recording abilities when deciding whether to fund me.
While knee-deep in this application, I saw that the Canada Council for the Arts granting portal had opened, so I hopped, skipped, and jumped from one grant application straight into the next one. While I was at it I booked a meeting about a third grant for a different project.
I have thrown myself whole hog into writing grants. I spent hours yesterday editing and revising, filling in budget lines, and double checking word counts.
I am a woman obsessed.
I am having trouble turning my attention anywhere else, even to the actual creative project for which I am requesting funding. My engines have been engaged in this one direction and the steering wheel will not point me anywhere else.
I am reminded of adrienne maree brown’s words “what we pay attention to grows.” I paid such close attention to the OAC grant application that my entire field of vision is filled with grant applications. All of my focus is there, and I have pushed aside other work, creative pursuits, time outside, even sleep, for this singular focus.
Having noticed this, I’ve made a vow to myself to submit the Canada Council grant and this third grant I’m looking into, then stop. No more grant writing for now. I need to remove my attention from that space - and quick - and return it to my true priorities. Grants are a means to an end, not the end itself; after hours and hours, days and weeks spent poring over them they have begun to occupy too much room in my life. I’m chasing dollars, and that is not how I choose to spend my attention.
I choose to pay attention to the trees as they change colour, to the long-awaited crispness in the air. I choose to pay attention to the soups and roasted vegetables and chilis I can prepare and eat with my family. I choose to pay attention to the songs that are waiting ever so patiently to be edited. I choose to pay attention to the candle-making kit and the Halloween costume prep that sit waiting for me, craft projects that make me feel cozy and happy at this time of year. I choose to pay attention to the pile of books waiting to be read.
I want to pay so much attention to these things that they grow and grow, ballooning out of control into the most fulfilling, beautiful, peaceful life I can imagine. I want to grow a riotous garden of joy and love, with nary a budget worksheet in sight.
What are you growing? Is it the most beautiful life you can imagine?
xo
Shannon
Upcoming Shows
Nov 20 at 7pm - Spotlight Series 7 (Art Gallery of Northumberland)
Local artists and collaborators Katie Hoogendam (Merkat), Shannon Linton, and Saskia Tomkins explore the ways in which art sustains, connects, and enriches the shared spaces we inhabit. Tickets on sale here.